Usually I kind of despise lists about a previous year. Up until last year my year 'reflection' mark was held at a Martin Sexton show. Why? Well for about 3-4 years I would see him every year. The last time I saw him he was sporting a wedding ring and I was very happy for him. Anyway, his music was a huge part of my daily life so going over a year while listening to him live was only natural. Plus, he always seemed to come to the cold Minnesota in November.
This year I don't have Martin, however John had us reflect on how we saw God move in our lives in 2005. Which is totally better than a secular list about the 'great' things about 2005. Or, so, in my thoughts anyway. So here they are, my brokenness, my joys.
1. My job at Bloomington FastSigns. After 2004 and it's many jobs I found that my one move to Bloomington has been a mixture of frustration and satisfaction. I know that they need me, I know that I can do everything in the shop, and I love the people I work with... Well most of the time though. This month will mark my one year there!
2. My car accident/new car. The slippery roads of MN still scare me. The car accident was the start of a huge step into total faith of what God can do and how He can provide. About 2 months after the accident I was still driving around my 'Alex' car and the brakes started not doing anything when pushed. Not a good sign. I found myself with a good tax return and online looking at cars. Finally calling a dealership and test driving one small, white VW Golf. I remember sitting in a chair at the dealership wondering if I could make the payments, going over every detail, but in the end realizing that I needed to do this. I no longer felt safe with Caleb in these cars that would break down all the time. I have to tell you that when I made the decision I felt sick and numb, but at the same time totally relieved. When we finalized everything the payments monthly payments dropped $60.00. I nearly peed my pants in joy. Ironically enough a year ago I wouldn't have thought of having a payment and making ends meet. Ever since that day I've found that I have the money and haven't missed a payment on my car.
3. Picnics at Laurel and Janet's house. Another avenue of friends and life.
4. neighborhood picnics and party's here on Osceola Ave. This block of people always amazes me. Kids everywhere for Caleb to play with, we have cookie baking parties, randomly eat outside together in the summers, let the kids swim in our multiple pools, help shovel each other's sidewalks/driveways, shoulders to cry on and support. Anne, my awesome landlady, even gets us presents. Caleb has a complete Spiderman collection and now a good start with Dinosaurs because of Anne. Living here has truly been a blessing and a learning experience. The day that any of us leave here will be a sad one.
5. The boundary waters trip with bluer. Being out of the rush of normal life always amazes me. Being out here I was shown that even in my quiet times where I was on vacation I was rushing. I never felt like I could relax. After being here I take advantage of my 'away time' and put in some good hours of just sitting and reading. Being a small group that went out was also an awesome experience. The 4 of us know each other better than we would've if we hadn't gone. Talking about going again this year in June to Knife Lake!!!!! Brought up some good laughs and heart felt smiles all around. A common happiness and joy being able to know and relate to that special time we had in the woods together.
6. How much of a joy Caleb is to my life. Even if I don't openly feel it, or am clouded by frustration. God always has a way of showing me how much I care for Caleb and how much he means to me. I've found that most of the time when I get really frustrated one of you tells me how goofy Caleb is, or something that he's said or done to make you smile and laugh. It really helps me get through those tough times of being a single mother. Those and my awesome and totally wonderful parents who take him for a week a few months of the year so I can have a break. Sometimes I wonder how I ended up with a kid, not sure if I ever wanted to have them, but then I see Caleb and know that he needed to be here. There is a greater purpose for my life and his than meets the eye. One that I hope I'm living up to and living out daily.
7. Bluer. I can't put into good words how much you all mean to me. How much God has changed my life and personified His promises in my life through you. Finding you is more than I thought possible and being as close and community bases as we are... I've fallen madly in love with no apparent hope of ever losing that feeling, ever. Seeing us go through stages of life together and making it work despite how awkward we feel about our circumstances is encouraging and causes me to put even more faith in the fact that God has brought us together because He knows that we are good for each other. This is where we need to be.
8. Joe. Someone who gets me, who can sublty call me on things and I get it. One who can bring out a usually tough and correcting situation or where I need to change or think about what I've said/done and I don't resent him for it or feel that I'm going to lose his friendship over it or that our friendship will be strained over the incident. I've found that I've really needed that, knowing that someone is there for me no matter what. Up to this point he hasn't let me down or been too busy for me.
9. Meeting Matt. This could be a touchy thing so I'm not going to go into too much detail. I'm amazed at how well he and I fit. Over the past couple of years I've been extremely picky about who I'm interested in, and finding that I'm not cold and heartless towards relationships has been a big thing. It's simple, and goofy.
10. My wool socks and other such nonsense. Life isn't serious, it's seriously fun and entertaining. I don't think God gave us the ability to laugh and then said that we have to live a pious and quiet life. Life is funny, unexpected, and something that shouldn't be taken too seriously. Afterall, we are only here for a short time. I long to be with Him, to laugh in His presence and to bask in His beauty. I love Him for creating me the way I am, and am ever ready for more depth and understanding of who He wants me to be and how He is using me in this world for His purposes.
I laugh, I love, I live.
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