Thursday, September 29, 2005

Early 'snow' storm

I parked at Target and when I got back to my car I was surrounded by white cars... It was Creepy...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

So, why didn't God make me a redhead???


Seriously, I have proof! Strong willed women have a running go in my families (both parent sides). Here's what mom wrote me today: "Maybe you aren't interested in all these things just yet, but hopefully you will be at some point in your life. Here's the connection for you. If you wonder about why you are so strong-willed and exasperating maybe even to yourself, it is partly because you are the firstborn of the firstborn of the firstborn. And if you are wondering why you have trouble with Caleb sometimes in your "battle of wills" which happens to all parents, (some children's personalities are stronger than others) well now~you've got it!~ you know that a big reason is because Caleb is the firstborn of the firstborn of the firstborn. The important thing to realize is, like my dad told my mom who couldn't believe how stubborn I was, "yes, she is strong-willed, but point her in the right direction and she will not waver." Melody, whenever you have the opportunity with Caleb, point him to Jesus! It is important that he obey you, but it is even more important that he learns to recognize the voice of God in his life."

Also that in a long line of 'first born' sons, she and I appear to be the only first born females thus far. Maybe there are some waaaay back there I think we have some investigators working on that.

Point being, I love my family, I love my mom. Happy Birthday mom!

Sunday, September 25, 2005

There's an elephant straddling my lime...



I don't know, you figure it out.














The Story of Melody Eve


I was born in Ironwood, MI (the U.P.) in a little hospital in the woods (although the woods isn't really there now... However there is still a lot of trees) Sept. 10th 1980. I was born purple because I decided that waiting until I was out of the womb to breathe, well, too long to wait. Fortunately they saved me and now you all have to suffer through the rest of this... ;) I lived in Ironwood for about 5 years of my life. Very fuzzy years. A lot came back to me when I visited Ironwood this summer like the house, where I used to hide candy, ballet lessons that I started at age 4 (which continued until age 18), where I got my measel shots, library books, etc... ( I still have not gotten the photos developed). From their we moved to my grandparents house in Detroit Lakes for a couple of months until dad and mom found a house to rent. We spent a few years there going to a small church where I met a few (Rachael and Sarah) people that I am grateful enough to call as friends throughout the years. Dad started school at UND and after a year of him living out of a bus and us (mom, me, Selah, Isaac and Elijah) living back in Detroit Lakes (D.L.) we moved to a country house in East Grand Forks. Mom homeschooled us, which to a lot of kids in public school was considered 'cool', mainly because they thought that I/we didn't have to get up early and do school work. Yes, we did. Mom was a stickler. I rollerskated a lot during those few years while dad earned his degree as a physical therapist. (I'm so proud of you dad!) (Dad said that he got the urge to go to school for physical therapy when I woke up one night screaming from growth pains in my ankles.) After college dad moved us down to New Ulm, MN. Still continuing to dance, mom had Selah and I enrolled in the Mankato ballet company. I became enthralled with the music from swan lake, the nutcracker, and a bunch of others. I also started public school in 8th grade. I had my first real boyfriend named Jeff, who was in fact a foot shorter than me... Okay... Maybe 6" or so, all ths same, this 5'8" girl already finding graces with guys that she didn't know she had before.
Half way through my 8th grade year we moved back to my grandparents house in D.L. I'm not sure why, I don't remember if we were ever told. I started school at the generational high school that my mom, uncle, and aunts all attended so I endured all kinds of teasing and 'special' treatment from the teachers that had my family before me. It was interesting. Meeting up with Sarah and Rachael made the transformation from one school to another very easy. Moving on to my senior year. The middle of my junior year I met my ex at work, his first day. He enlisted in the army and left shortly after my Junior prom. He asked me to marry him over the phone, being 17 and naive I consented. ( I look on this as one of many 'not so bright moments'). Senior year I filled my schedule to fill the void. Somehow I became the school mascot (I dressed as a giant hornet- there's another funny story concern ing this), Soccer (the first year that it was offered at the school), Swing choir, Band, Ballet (of course), youth leader, and worked part time. I think I had other responsibilities, but right now they are lacking in my memory. The method to my madness, busy falls to calm springs. December of 1998. One of the worst times in my life. Probably one of the most testing. I decide to fly down to Tennessee for Christmas to be with my now ex, I go to D. L. For plane tickets and head back to school for Saleh. It was a ballet night which ment climbing in the 'unstoppable' Subaru station wagon and heading to Fergus Falls ( about 45 min away) for 2-2 1/2 hours of strict classical ballet lessons. It was stormy out and we decided to go home instead. On the way home we hit some ice on a very curvy part of the road, my suby heads into the oncoming traffic on a country road. Then, we get hit, by our own school bus. The car was in 3 pieces. Selah and I were still alive and rushed to the emergency room in D.L. Selah was worse off than I so they drove her up to Fargo for better care. As for me, I was in the I.C.U. for 2 days and walked away with minor cuts and bruises. (Let this be known, the accident being as bad as it was, I shouldn't be here, let alone walking. Paramedics that see me walking around sometimes come to me with slight tears in their eyes at how I was spared.) Selah, my beloved sister lived for 10 days and then went on. It's hard not having her around, there's not a day that goes by that I wouldn't enjoy sharing life with her again. I miss her so much!

After high school I immediately moved to Tennessee to start college. Wanting desperately cling to something that was 'normal' after the accident I chose to marry my now ex about 2 weeks after moving down there in the court house. A month later he cheated on me. After I found out, I never felt that we were married. Just two mixed up kids in a mess. We tried to work things out, but there were matters (verbal abuse and borderline physical abuse from him) that wouldn't go away, counseling was refused on his part. We found out that we were pregnant after his 6 month deployment in Kosovo. 5 months into the pregnancy, after being pushed around against the walls and onto the bed, along with not being 'allowed' to go back to school. I called mom and dad telling them that I was stronger than this and I needed to come home to raise this baby. They came and got me.

I started college for sign school 3 months after Caleb was born. About 12 hours after surgery ( I had an emergency C section) my now ex called to say that I would be served divorce papers any day now. Thanks, was all I had to say. The divorce took until Feb. 2003 to be completed. I've never looked back.

So here I am. Graduated Graphic artist of signs, working production in a sign shop. A local 'legend' as far as sign makers go, ask about me at a local fast signs... Melody and Phil. It's been a rough life. Losing jobs, relationships, being a single mother and feeling trapped. Being in love and not knowing how to express it. Finding bluer and all of the beautiful people that I love that go there, and that I know from else where that make up me. God is awesome. I've never doubted that He couldn't fix whatever mess I dished out to Him, or got myself into because I thought I was smarter than everyone. I don't think so now, I'm just me, that's all I can ever be. So what is your life story? Thanks for listening to mine.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Something like the 'pre-empted' shhhhh....


Reasoning behind reasons...

The post indeed was NOT for an actual crush. But did it do the trick? Did you feel like one who found a hidden letter to a lover from a lover? My intentions exactly. To seek out in you the 'awwww's and hopes for the future concerning your love(s) or what loves you hope are thinking about you. The beauty of love, or the feeling of security in finding that someone loves you or likes you, it gives you wings, the 'ability' to do 'anything' or the feeling that you could. But there's something more here than that. Our Creator has this love for us, but it's not fleeting as butterflies in the stomach feeling after spending time with a loved one or a new crush. It is a matter of hearts, His tied to ours. It may not always feel like the 'special' and exciting kind of love, but it's old, comfortable and full of maturity along with the excitement. Our Creator places in us the ability to love like He does so that we can understand how He loves us, only His love has no faults and that's amazing!

Yes, I may have crushes, but most of them don't feel right. They feel like they 'belong' to another woman and I am merely entertaining until they arrive.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

"In Essence" part I a comedy strip by Melody

The hard working employee starts Monday's work. Relaxed from the weekend










Money employee realized that she is over loaded and yet gets most of the work done. Good employee. But leaves with slight migraine and stomach ache.














Tuesday morning employee relizes that she is rushing to a job that she doesn't want to be at ending raod rage and sticks 'being on time' to the man.














Employee realizes that she is over worked and is not getting help. Employee plans to quit 3 times on Tuesday.

Employee later realizes that yoga is cancelled for the night and loses all track of time. However, Gilmore girls is on and the day is somewhat saved. Also a call from Eric soothes the chaos from the work load.














Wednesday employee realizes that she is still rushing to a job she can't stand. While realizeing this she notices another person (who doesn't know how to drive and talking on a cell phone) almost rear end her beloved car at a stop light on her way to her terrible job. Employee manuvers the car away from hostile, cell phone yelling woman and saves her car. And arrives to stressful job unscathed to a quiet shop. Because the stress 'makers' aren't going to be in until 10. Employee starts a daunting work load by her self again.







Wednesday employee falls to floor crumbling under the work load that is expected of her. Two people's jobs aren't wokring as being done by one. Employee looks longingly at her purse in persistent state of "I can quit at any time" Employee finds out that her roommate lost his job and can't get his old on back, more stress is introduced into the day.



Look for Part 2!

"In Essence" Part 2




Wednesday employee falls over and goes into anxiety attacks, work load overwhelms her. Leaving her in tears and thoughts of "I'm just not going to come in anymore".

Co-worker talks to management because employee can't speak without a stutter at this point. "If you don't do something employee will leave, then we're screwed."



Thursday employee arrives a little disheveled and slightly twitching from yesterday. Finds that the 'stressors' have started doing the second job that she was and has been expected to do for about 3 weeks and has 2 more to go. Employee is relieved. But is thrown guilt trips by the person helping and everything is 'my fault'. Employee wishes she never got out of bed. The younger 'stressor' befriends employee. She understands what employee is going through and kindly says that if it ever got that bad to just ask for help. Employee is relieved for a short time only because she has asked for help to no avail. The day goes by pretty easily with a lot getting accomplished because everyone is helping to get caught up. Empolyee takes a hot bath and crashes at 9:30 out of exhaustion.

Friday employee arrives to face the last day of the horrendous week Comically laughing at the Righteous Brothers 'You've lost that loving feeling', only because it's a Friday otherwise she would've turned it off.

Employee arrives to find that she has help again today. However the stressors are leaving for meetings around noon and all chaos breaks out amongst the stressors arguing and customers being annoying. Everything calms down when the oldest stressor leaves the shop. And then all is quiet when the other stressor leaves as well. Employee fixes the computer problems with ease as the stressors aren't there to aggravate the computers further with their non-patient ways of working with computers. Everything is running smoothly .....Until! The older stressor walks into the shop and like a whirlwind creates chaos everywhere in an instant! Employee who was using the Mac to send an image to the printer is told that the older stressor has unplugged the computer!!!!!! Employee stands up horrified! And shouts! Runs to the computer room to find the poor computer that HAD been working dejectedly without life. The image starts printing and is ruined. Older stressor apologizes saying that 'the tech' had told her to do that. Employee explains that whe knows what she is doing and had the mad running and that older stressor should've checked to see if it was working before unplugging it! Employee runs from the room only to pull out all her hair (all right just pull on her hair) waving her arms above her head exclaiming "Why do I even try!" After this old stressor quits telling employee what needs to be done next, maybe she actually figured out that Employee knows what she is doing and that she (old stressor) should just do what Employee asks of her. The day runs smoothly after that, employee is able to finish her work for the day only to glance at Monday's board only to feel faint after seeing that next week looks as bad as this one.

Employee comes home watches the simpsons and the new premiers of the WB shows and quietly falls asleep on the couch.

Monday, September 12, 2005

The fire never understands the spark, so it is with you and me...


This will be an odd post. Something that I should say in person, as opposed to 'millions' that read my blog. It seems that I do, indeed, have a crush. And after writing those words I'm think it's a bad idea to write this, but I'm going to go on... Insanely into the depths of criticism, embarrassment, and rejection. Maybe that's why it's on here instead of in person. It could be in person, but I feel that I would say nothing and continue to joke around with you as some sarcastic friend hoping for some sign that I wouldn't be rejected in my quest to say how I feel. And I"ve said nothing, for lack of better words to say how I really feel, and being worried that I wouldn't have the right ones to say to you, or maybe, circumstances being what they are, would find myself in tears before you've even answered. Or maybe even before you have processed what I've said. It could be that you've never thought about it, or couldn't determine whether I liked you or not. Or maybe you aren't interested at all. How do you tell? How do I tell? After writing this I kind of feel like a coward. Using a third person form to say all this, or the little that it takes to say what's on my heart. If you think it's you, maybe it is, maybe you're bolder than I and we'll talk about it, or maybe I'll get up the courage just to talk to you about how I feel. Either way, I care deeply about you, enjoy your personality, simply you being you. Maybe I don't know you well enough to have an educated view on who you are, but getting to know you has been slow and enjoyable. You are, and have been, a joy in my life, a breath of fresh air. Thank you.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

The passing of a year, a realization of substance.


Yes, today, right now, I am 25. Honestly, I really can't believe that it's my birthday. It's almost like it snuck up on me somehow. These past 3 weeks at work have been incredibly hard and tiring. Having to fill in for 2 missing people plus my own job is tough exhausting work. I almost quit, 5 times. But today, or rather yesterday, in a crazy euphoric way made me ponder the little mundane things about life and why they make life full... Alright, so I may be grasping for straws when describing work this way, yeah, I'm not describing it that way, but even it's crabby crassness and all the incredibly tiring moments, glimpses of hope and laughter do arise from the work place. (this I realized as I drove a Mini Cooper around back to squeegee graphics on).

I know I've said this before but something about this year has made me think. It's been awhile since I've really dated anyone and this year I found that I'm not even feeling a bit depressed that I don't have a significant other to share my birthday. I have amazing friends that a year ago I didn't even know and now I find myself such apart of them that I question how I ever functioned before meeting them. How my life paled in comparison a year ago to the seemingly vibrant surroundings that I call my life, now. What a blessing you have all been. Even in the darkest hours/days there is so much to be thankful for! But most of all I am thankful for the people that mean the most to me, that have been planted/placed in my life by God, whom I'm sure beams with complete joy, when I beam in thought and rant about these people. I really do love you guys, even if at times it may seem like I don't, I do. Thanks for accepting me and being a people that I can rely on. To you I am grateful.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

The under appreciated employee crumbles from exhaustion.


Yes, that would be me. How do I feel about my current employer? Crappy. The situation as it seems is that I'm 'too good' to be taken away from production into what I've been trained to do which is graphic design for signs. My boss looked irritated that I even handed in my resume. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think that employers should want their employees working at their full potential. These people probably lost me for good. Just because I'm good on the table doesn't mean that I'm 'happy' there, especially when my degree says otherwise.

These past 3 weeks since the last designer left, have been incredibly insane. I've been doing sometimes 3 people's jobs: Production, Designer, and Sales. Today I left feeling lost, wondering what actually got accomplished and what didn't even get done. I have no idea. I'm just out of it, so stressed to the max that I really don't even care anymore what gets done. After all they are just signs. Burn out creates craters.

On the way home there was this Pickup truck about to explode on 35E! It had flames shooting up and a lot of smoke. Anyone hear what the mushroom cloud in St. Paul was from? Fire everywhere!

Monday, September 05, 2005

Sometimes I'd just like to yell...

Parenting. Is a joint job. Just because the woman had the child doesn't mean that they are solely in charge of taking care of them. I mean, if the guy hadn't supplied the sperm (and I'm sure that he was pretty willing to at the time) we wouldn't have been pregnant at all. You BOTH have kids. You BOTH need to take care of them. Also, undermining the other parent IN FRONT of your kids... Very bad idea. It shows poor parenting and lack of respect for the other parent whom you supposedly love and want to live with otherwise... Why did you get married??? Which leads me to my next topic...

Spouses who are in 'troubled' marriages need to work on their marriages. Period. EVERYONE deserves better and thinks that life shouldn't be so hard at times. Those who can't look past that and try to drag out their depression on others, instead of getting help for it, need to realize that people only care so much if you aren't working on bettering yourself and your attitude about life. They also have to realize that this is a selfish state of mind. Pity parties for why taking care of kids is so hard because life isn't going right is no excuse, and isn't fun to listen too either. No one is going to belittle you for going to counseling. It's an active way of saying, "I'm sorry, I know I'm wrong and now I'm trying to make it work." Do this and less people will call you an ass behind your back, and you may end up with more friends who like to be around you.

Single mothers are delicate things. Well, mostly. Me, personally, am pretty tough. Am I insanely happy about being a single mother? No. But I'm making it work with what I've been given. For anyone who wants to know, if my spouse wasn't acting as an active parent I'd be pretty pissed too. I absolutely get enraged when I see husbands/fathers who are undermining their wives in front of their kids and seemingly always standing/sitting by leaving the wife to take care and discipline the kids. Another thing is when these complacent fathers try to 'help' me out by telling my kid what to do. Do me a favor and take care of your own kid first, especially when I'm in close vicinity to my child and very very able to control and take care of my own son. I thank you for your help, but it is not needed in this situation. You are not his father, and I am definitely not your wife, nor do I ever want to be in a relationship with anyone like you.

I don't like being hugged all the time by men in general. It makes me uncomfortable, unless you are a close friend of mine who isn't married. Or a close friend of mine that is married that I've been friends with for years or have known since we were very little. If you are married and in a rough place in your marriage I am NOT an outlet for physical or emotional need. That is unless you fall into the categories of close friend. I'm not trying to be bitter, start a fight, or drive a wedge between anyone. I'm simply stating my heart. There are boundaries that need to be kept, and I for one am not going to let any of the relationships that I see that could fall potentially into these places, fail because of anything that I 'seemingly did', because I'm not doing anything to encourage it. I'm not looking for a 'Mr. I'm-in-a-crappy-marriage-and-it's-all-her-fault' guy. Nor am I looking for 'Mr. Self pity'.

A word of advice from a male camp counselor was this "Don't touch girls. They, like flowers, need room to grow. And like flowers, too much touching can kill and wither the greatest beauty." Now there's a man I'm interested in, one who knows what is right and strives for it. That truly is a beautiful thing.

And lastly, if any of this has brought offense to you, maybe it has for good reason and you need to examine your heart before God and ask for forgiveness. I'm just being up front on what I believe, what has been on my heart and what I have seen work. Sometimes someone just has to be blunt about it all, right now, I'm that person.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

The VW Golf, small, cute, and what????


It tows a boat??? Yes! Look at it! Amazing! On my break on Monday I saw this little number and had a question that I had always been asking myself... Could I tow a small boat with my car... hmmm... Well, if the boat is about as long as a bed, and the width of a full size mattress, made out of Fiberglas... Yes! Not to mention the size of the trailer.. Longer than both the car and boat. Hilarious!
The boat itself isn't much use... Where else could you use it besides a small pond. Better hope that the wind doesn't pick up! Capsized! Maybe he's planning a trip to New Orleans to help people escape the flooding... well... maybe one at a time!

Caleb and I are off for the bluer camping trip this weekend! I'm so excited to use my new tent! Yay! Happy Labor day weekend!