Spouses who are in 'troubled' marriages need to work on their marriages. Period. EVERYONE deserves better and thinks that life shouldn't be so hard at times. Those who can't look past that and try to drag out their depression on others, instead of getting help for it, need to realize that people only care so much if you aren't working on bettering yourself and your attitude about life. They also have to realize that this is a selfish state of mind. Pity parties for why taking care of kids is so hard because life isn't going right is no excuse, and isn't fun to listen too either. No one is going to belittle you for going to counseling. It's an active way of saying, "I'm sorry, I know I'm wrong and now I'm trying to make it work." Do this and less people will call you an ass behind your back, and you may end up with more friends who like to be around you.
Single mothers are delicate things. Well, mostly. Me, personally, am pretty tough. Am I insanely happy about being a single mother? No. But I'm making it work with what I've been given. For anyone who wants to know, if my spouse wasn't acting as an active parent I'd be pretty pissed too. I absolutely get enraged when I see husbands/fathers who are undermining their wives in front of their kids and seemingly always standing/sitting by leaving the wife to take care and discipline the kids. Another thing is when these complacent fathers try to 'help' me out by telling my kid what to do. Do me a favor and take care of your own kid first, especially when I'm in close vicinity to my child and very very able to control and take care of my own son. I thank you for your help, but it is not needed in this situation. You are not his father, and I am definitely not your wife, nor do I ever want to be in a relationship with anyone like you.
I don't like being hugged all the time by men in general. It makes me uncomfortable, unless you are a close friend of mine who isn't married. Or a close friend of mine that is married that I've been friends with for years or have known since we were very little. If you are married and in a rough place in your marriage I am NOT an outlet for physical or emotional need. That is unless you fall into the categories of close friend. I'm not trying to be bitter, start a fight, or drive a wedge between anyone. I'm simply stating my heart. There are boundaries that need to be kept, and I for one am not going to let any of the relationships that I see that could fall potentially into these places, fail because of anything that I 'seemingly did', because I'm not doing anything to encourage it. I'm not looking for a 'Mr. I'm-in-a-crappy-marriage-and-it's-all-her-fault' guy. Nor am I looking for 'Mr. Self pity'.
A word of advice from a male camp counselor was this "Don't touch girls. They, like flowers, need room to grow. And like flowers, too much touching can kill and wither the greatest beauty." Now there's a man I'm interested in, one who knows what is right and strives for it. That truly is a beautiful thing.
And lastly, if any of this has brought offense to you, maybe it has for good reason and you need to examine your heart before God and ask for forgiveness. I'm just being up front on what I believe, what has been on my heart and what I have seen work. Sometimes someone just has to be blunt about it all, right now, I'm that person.
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