We only see in part. (part one)

These past weeks have been filled with decisions, life choices, and losses. Which have all compelled me to write and share parts of me that I may or may not have already shared with you pertaining to my faith, my thoughts about what my 'mission field' is and past experiences. I apologize if anyone reading this is offended by my specific beliefs, values and ideas. I would advise that I am not trying to convince you that my way is right for you. I am simply giving you my opinion based on my experiences in life and faith.

Let us start at the beginning and the most recent happening to me and my community of believers. Last Sunday I received a call from a friend in our community that a friend from my/our community had (and I sincerely apologize if how I describe this hurts or offends anyone, I do not want to sound brash or simply stating something that is indeed delicate and important to me. I am merely stating a fact.) committed suicide. I will remember instantly how I felt. Stunned. Surprised. Astonished. And desperately trying not to break immediately down because I was in the middle of Target trying to keep composure from the news, keep track of Caleb, and finish grocery shopping. This woman appeared to be close to God in action, thought, and word. She was indeed a light to many, but did indeed have dark shadows surrounding her life. I struggled throughout the week to actually come to terms with the fact that she would no longer be with us in person and that it had indeed actually happened.

Last night at bluer we had a guest speaker. He has spoken at our gatherings before through a long series about the fruits of the spirit. This man has wisdom and wears this with an air of humble servant and messenger of 'how it really is'. He is, and stated last night, a person who believes this:

1Corinthians 13:12
"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!" (The Message)

We only see in part what God is doing, how He is moving, etc. His other point that really seemed to hit a spot in me that I have truly been attaching to all areas of my life with such vibrant and excited enthusiasm for years, is this: There is a long line of judgements/decisions from the little ones that we do on a daily basis, the corporate church, and then way out of our reach the final judgements/decisions of God. He also said that in the final hour, the final judgement we do not get to make that decision. That decision is ultimately God's to make.

The fate of our self, our fellow believers, anyone isn't ours to decide! Isn't that amazing and a huge relief? We only know in part. We only need to know what God has shown us and is working through us. I am so glad for this information and that these thoughts have been echoed by others. Therefore further solidifying it in my heart and daily thought processes.

The words 'the decision is ultimately God's to make'. If we believe that there is a God, why do we try to say that we know what He is thinking and what He will do? How can we put Him in a box and say that 'this is exactly what He is and what He will do'? When in reality when we say this doesn't it mean that we have everything figured out? And if that is the case, why do we need a god that we have now figured out? I am glad and thankful that I do not fully know what God will do in my life or others. I like to trust Him completely, fully, and with open arms. And when I go through phases of my life where I feel dry or lost He has been faithful to put people of great, humble faith in my life that have shared messages and parts of themselves that have touched me deeply and confirmed my thoughts, almost exactly, of whether or not I am following as I should be, and if my ideas of how I am proceeding forward are indeed valid. They have been. This is exciting news! It is so exciting to me! I love these discovery phases of life. These phases are the ones where there seems to be so much going on, and yet He pulls us closer revealing that He knows us better than anyone and so revealing Himself and to some of what He is and can be. I know that I do not want to serve a god that I have figured out. That is boring and there is NO life or growth in those circumstances. Where is hope or faith if you have your god in a box? My father (God) lives and moves freely throughout my life and He has no bounds as to what He might or might not do. I am merely His child whom He loves beyond any fathomable belief that I could contain in my small frame. And for this I am eternally thankful and strive to do the work that He has called me to do. And I do and will do this work willingly and with great enthusiasm of the heart. Where He calls me, I will go.

I am not saying that I have it figured out. I am happy to say that I do believe that I only know a part. The part that God has shown me about my life and I am happy to know that part and trust Him fully with everything else. His will be done. And it will.