Genes are a good thing

Here is an email from my mom to my grandma talking about Isaac: "That way Isaac will know better if he really wants to go to school for that or not. He's like Steve, good at whatever he decides to put his hand to but not sure exactly what that should be."

This is true for all 3 of us Jensen kids...Me, Isaac, and Elijah. We are good at many things, good natured, keep to ourselves and never really see where our strong points are because there are so many things that we are 'good' at. I guess I'm bragging about my good genes, mainly for the fact that God truly had intentions and designed my siblings and I to be pliable, we work well with our hands/minds, and have some form of music genius where picking up new instruments is like riding a bike. It's beautiful. And I love my family!

True, it may seem like a stretch, but it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when your away when I am missing you to death...

Sometimes there are people who get you. I love that. Knowing that someone can see through me no matter how much I try to be stubburn about hiding myself and acting out, they are still the same, still there, still loving. And that floors me. I love these people, they are my comfort in a stressful world, a place of solitude and safety. Thank you!

In addition, here are some random things that I forgot to add to my 'favorite things' list:
Strawberry Shakes, Fries, and Ketchup
People who make me laugh (with me & at themselves)
Foreign Films like Amelie, Kung Fu Fighting
Indie films like Garden State, Lost in Translation, Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
The color Red
Magnetic Poetry
Books about relationships
Connecting with someone
Being able to touch someone's thoughts/heart through word or painting
Dunn Brothers Coffee
Garlic Fries
Making homemade Pizza
The smell of Magnolia trees
Magnolias
Watching falling stars while lying in the grass
Being in a group of close friends
People's mouths, ears, and noses
The way my Creator peruses me
Falling asleep with someone I love
Napping

Craving the Original

There's this song that plays on 'the current' and always makes me perk up my ears in hopes that it is the Pixies 'Where is my mind', but it's not. After hearing the song I get this terrible craving for the Pixies... Any Pixies song will do just to get that awful 'not the right song' out of my head. I've noticed lately there have been a lot of things that remind me of my 'firsts' and leave me craving their originals. Friends, food, gas prices... The list goes on.

On another note, today as I pulled up in the bank parking lot I glanced over to my right and saw a woman crying in her car. Not just tears but shear anguish. My thoughts ran to "did she just find out that she has no way to provide for her family because she found out she doesn't have any money left in her account?" "Did she lose someone that she cared for?" "Her boyfriend/husband?" I prayed a small prayer for her as I entered the bank. The bank line was long, but it let my mind wander around the purpose for crying out in pain emotionally. Knowing that I've done the same thing. I've been there, crying and shouting in my car at the world, people, God. Why! Why does this have to happen again! Why does this have to happen at all???!! And the tears pouring out over much needed dry emotions' desert seem comforting and yet empty. The wrenching crying that comes from fighting everything and only feeling like you've lost more than healed, more than what you were protecting. Is it because we don't surrender all to Him and carry the load of life or what we think we can handle until it all falls apart?

My heart went out to her.

Sweet Home Alabama was on tonight...

Queen of Bluer Game night

Yes, there's nothing more fun than a great bunch of people gathered in a house playing random games with great snacks, pizza, and wine. It's a beautiful thing. Laughter is the best medicine, it also welds hearts together and builds stronger community. This is why I love game night. Time set aside to play games and be goofy, all the while creating stronger bonds with the people you are spending time playing against. There is just something magical about the whole thing.

If you are looking for a great random game Quelf is so far my favorite. Brrrring! (Pizza party!)

Cherish your friends, play games with them...Board/card games that is...

Poison of the mind and mental state

Why do I do it? Why do I click on this site, pursue this vehicle, that type of guy? Is it a dream that I'm still chasing? Even though I know it's over and I cannot win this game, I still pursue this 'rabbit' even though it's been caught. Why is that? Is there a comfort in the past that I cannot break? An emptiness that still consumes me as a baffling 'what happened' that cannot and has not been answered. I've only begun to realize how sick my 'obsession' with these things really are, or are they meager reasons as to why I feel unattractive, unwanted, and someone you wouldn't want to spend your life. Why do I do it? Why can't I stay away? For short spurts of mind flurries I wish with all my heart that what happened in 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind' was really something you could do. Erase people from your memory. Start over.

Going back to the dream thing here, do you think they would still have dreams about that person? Or, meeting someone for the first time and feeling like we've already known them for a long time, does that come from sharing similar dreams? Or even as far as saying that you've seen them in your dreams? I could've been like, Hey, you're that guy that will crush me to nothing in a few months. Or We'll go through a rough marriage and then be divorced with one child whom you'll never meet. What is that feeling?

I don't know why, but sometimes my breath is hard to breathe, my head hurts like it's being turned inside out and yet, I wake up to another day. Another day to chase this fake dream of mine, to possibly steal him away.
I got a hair cut today...

Melody's thoughts on Male appearance...

So yeah, keeping up with the latest styles can be hard right? (I'm really supposed to be getting my music together for small group tonight, but I saw this article as I was checking my email and just had to comment!)
Here is the article. I'll copy and paste it and comment on the sections. This article was written by a guy, probably a gay guy (not that I have anything against them) however some of the advice is bias, and mine will be too, just the woman's side if thing, or at least THIS woman. :)

Open up the latest issue of GQ, and what do you see? Guys wearing cool suits, or cool shirts, or cool pants. You see clean-shaven guys with purposefully mussed hair, or guys with artfully carved facial stubble and totally shorn heads. You see guys with shined shoes, guys with subtle jewelry – basically, you see guys with style. Walk through your average mall, and what do you see? Guys who clearly don’t read GQ. These guys pay attention to other guys who, fashion-wise, are stuck in 1987, thus these mall-walkers are, in a sense, trendsetters – albeit most of the trends they set are seriously lame. This isn’t to say you have to emulate a GQ boy to look good, but you’d do well to avoid the following:
The ponytail
If you’re sporting a long ponytail, the general public might think you’re a wannabe hippie. If you’re sporting a medium-sized ponytail, the general public might think you’re too lazy to get a haircut. If you’re sporting a short ponytail, the general public might think you’re a hopelessly out-of-touch record executive. Nicely-styled long hair is perfectly swell – just leave that scrunchie at home.

Melody's thoughts on this: I agree here, unless you are Phil, ponytails are taboo. At least with me, my mom on the other hand was a huge Michael Bolten fan. Eewwww!

The single earring
Back in the ’80s, it was said that if a guy wore only one earring, you could get an idea of his sexual preference depending on which of his lobes was pierced. In the 00’s, if a guy wears one earring, you can get an idea of his lack of taste, regardless of which lobe is pierced. Get both ears pierced and be symmetrical, or don’t get pierced at all. (Note: A single earring often shares a head with a ponytail. This is a situation where two wrongs most definitely don’t make a right.)

Melody's thoughts on this: Refering to the '80's about a style is something to make anyone gag. However the guy only has things half right. If the earring is a dangly one, or a stud, one earring is not sexy. Hoops (small ones at that) are incredibley sexy. Guaged earrings, not my style. I've dated a few guys that I've been incredibly attracted too who only had one small hoop earring. Very sexy in my book-depending on the guy.

Loafers without socks
Sockless loafers with jeans don’t work. Sockless loafers with shorts don’t work. Sockless loafers with anything don’t work. Plus, most loafers don’t breathe well, so if you wear them sans socks, you run the risk of developing toe cheese.

Melody's thoughts on this: Yeah, that's just gross. Unless you are wearing sandals or rubber loafers/garden shoes you should wear socks. Avoid socks with sandals though.

The goatee
A quick refresher course in facial hair terminology: A Van Dyke is a mustache/chin-hair combo, and if you keep it neatly trimmed, it can look very cool. A soul patch is a little blip of hair under your lower lip, and if it’s carved and sized just right, it, too, can be exceedingly hip. A goatee is a blop of hair on your chin, and it isn’t the least bit stylish – it just looks like somebody glued a blop of hair on your chin.

Melody's thoughts on this: Goatees are adorable when they lack the upper lip section, and if properly groomed. I love the soul patch-not too scratchy, not too bushy. Mustaches to me are creepy, also I hate looking at someone who has one while they eat... and seeing hair on their lips... that's gross. Long Goatees are gross too, that really looks like a glob of hair glued on your chin.

The combover
If you develop male-pattern baldness, roll with it. Take what you have, and get it styled so it looks, y’know, stylish. Or, if there’s not enough there to style – and if you have a nicely shaped head – chop it all off. Not only will a total buzz make you look enigmatic and dangerous, but it’ll give you the opportunity to fudge the truth about your scalp: “I’m not going bald – I have tons of hair. I just like the way it looks when it’s shaved.”

Melody's thoughts on this: Yes, combovers are bad, very very BAD! My grandpa has one that starts from one ear and goes to the other... Men who 'embrace' their baldness and go for the close buzzed look are sexy and sophisticated looking. Definate turn on. And let me tell you, I'd run away with Bruce Willis in a minute with his buzzed head!

Your concepts of imagery are passionately transparent

Today I thought it would be fun to just put together a list of things that I love, just in case anyone is remotely interested...

Standard (stickshift) cars, every car that I've own has been and I intent to keep it that way.
Music that makes your soul sing, that makes you cry when you are sad, that makes you blissful when you are happy.
My Sony headphones.
My Guitar.
My something high count sheets and my down comforter.
The color of earthy greens and oranges along with cobalt blue.
Clouds.
Lakes.
The boundary waters.
The smell of an old theater.
The smell of new ballet shoes.
The smell of a dance studio.
The smell of coffee.
Painting to music that makes my soul sing and capturing it on canvas.
Going out for coffee at a small coffee shop.
Punch's Neapolitan Pizza.
The Kitty Cat Klub.
My 89.3 'the current' t-shirt.
My car.
Wine, Red wine.
Garlic, spicy tomato sauces, feta cheese on pizza, and gooey brownies.
Caleb's Nose and dimples (also when he starts laughing upon seeing something on TV that amuses him).
Glenwood water.
Just the right paint brush.
Walking into an art store.
Standing in awe of everything in an art supplies store.
Faintly letting my mind be amused with the idea that I could die happy in an art supplies store.
Finding lost CD's like Halloween Alaska! How could I lose you!
Organizing my clutter.
Knowing that I'm good at what I do.
Hanging out with friends, laughing with them, and sharing life. I crave and love community.
bluer.
Instant photo booths.
Yoga.
My beloved yellow life jacket... :)
Flip flops and bare feet.
Being naked.
Being 'obsessed' with the TV show 'Lost'.
Catching up with old friends.
Allowing myself to get carried away or lost in movies.
Driving down Grand Ave.
Driving through Minneapolis/St. Paul at night.
The first Soft snow.
Spotting falling stars.
Laughter and goofiness.
Tulips.
My Creator.

Another note on dreaming

Yes and no. I have not seen I 'heart' Hukabees...However I have esteemed to remedy that in coming days. :)

Mutual dreaming is infact a studied thing. Of course it would be. :) I have had this experience with an ex boyfriend. We no longer talk, however, one night in a dream we met up somewhere and sat and talked, went to a show and enjoyed each other's company. Dawn was coming and he said that he had to go because his alarm was going off and he needed to get up for work. I said okay, sadly wishing that he didn't have to go. I watched him walk into the trees and disappear. I opened my eyes and saw that clock said 6:30, the time he always set his alarm to get up for work while we were dating.
So, I don't know if he actually dreamed the same thing, but it felt more than just one sided. It still creeps me out a bit to think about.

I'd even like to go as far as saying that we can, indeed meet up with people in our dreams. And it could also work for when you don't remember your dreams... Have you ever had a dream with someone you know in it and they are unresponsive? Could it be that during a part of the sleep cycle when we don't remember dreams another person decides the fate of the story until you get to that cycle where your thoughts and consciousness take over... Very thought provoking.

Sometimes I feel my hands are too big for my body...

Along with other appendages I have...Such as my thighs, head, shoulders, my big toes... But definitely NOT my ankles. How they became so skinny is beyond me.

Aren't dreams a cool thing? Some of my theories about dreams is that you can actually be in others dreams (meaning you dream the same thing as if you both traveled to the same 'dream world'). I think it's legit. When I was married I woke up one morning as my husband was getting up and I asked him to look over the house before he left because I had a bad dream. He stopped funny and asked if I would go with him since he had a bad dream as well. He dreampt that someone had broken into our house, but the dream ended when the intruder got to our door. I think my mouth dropped open because my dream started when the intruder entered our bedroom. Crazy isn't it? I don't do a lot of google searching, so I haven't looked for fanatics who think the same as me and have elaborate theories about dreams, I just have my own thoughts in hopes that they'll find me. Maybe. Sometimes I think dreaming is like being in the matrix. Corny, yes, hoky comparison, yes and I'm quite aware that I'm a dork so forgive me. Maybe I'll start a quest to find what others think about dreams... Goggle: Dream Sharing...

I'm evil... or at least feel it

There's something about me this week. I feel run down, trapped, and 'acting out' because of it. I feel evil, uninterested, and deadly. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone during this time. I think I may sting to hurt this week, and I don't know why.

Source Ministries...

The fallout artfest was a blast! I highly recommend it to everyone!
Alright, so I already wrote about this, but I didn't have pictures!!!

I have a piece in the gallery until the end of Aug.

Here's me painting during the final worship/bluer finale shabang.

Insignificant insecurities, polished, mused thoughts

Sometimes I wonder, as one often does after good movies, what is purpose? What is our purpose? Where do we fit? Along with the greater love for people that are most precious to us. I love my son, even though he stresses me out to no end. I worry that I'm not a good mother, mainly because I don't know what I'm doing... But he seems to love me even more anyway. I feel that if he ever lost me he'd be devastated, lost, unsure of who he could trust. I'd do anything for him. Simply because he's apart of me, a being that was created in partially my image, in my body, from my body. And from this experience is where my love for God grows and swells, aches to be near Him, and devouring to hear His voice. There are perceptions as a parent that I've gotten between God and we His children and parenting. Frustrations of a child equal Gods frustrations as we as individuals struggle with our pride and 'our way' and doing things that He asked. Sometimes it's funny to think that while we're being 'kids' He's got the same stern but loving facial expression that I have on my face with Caleb. I find it amazing how He hurts for us as I hurt for Caleb when he is hurt or sick.

Going through a rough break-up where I felt like a tree full of life cut to the roots. He knew what I was going through. He offered these words to me: "You know that ache deep inside, the one that makes your stomach knot up. That tearing, numbing ache... I've felt it, I've lived it. Your exact pain, your exact thoughts. You know when I cried out on the cross? In that moment I was in the middle of your world, your thoughts, your hurts and I didn't want you to feel that way ever. You are my love, my darling, my precious beautiful being. I am here, you are not alone."

Something about a parent. Always there to calm the storm, to offer comfort in the midst of chaos, hurt and being left out. Always one to say I love you, it's safe now, I am here. That means a lot. Newborns with their mom or dad, Kids scared of the dark or sick, we as we bask in His presence cherish this 'closeness' His touch of reassurance. Something that's not of me, but for me. The parent cheering me on from the sidelines and the one that gently tucks me into bed. The One who heals my heart.

Titles and observations

Having come back from my dad's side of the family reunion over in Wisconsin, along with countless trips through that state I've come to the question... Why do they name their county roads by letters? I am even going to go as far as saying... What, and do they have the county KKK? hmmm...

The family reunion was rather boring. I didn't really know anyone there besides my immediate family and my grandparents. Saturday we took a day trip up to Ironwood, MI where my sister, brother and I were born. We toured through the town (Ironwood) I got to see my first Library, Ballet studio, countless other things, my first house, and the hospital that I was born in. Our house is run down and kind of trashed. We found the back door had been taken off so we took a little tour being the 'breakers of the law' that we are, and went in to find the place had seen better years. It was odd seeing this place torn apart. Have you ever seen 'Extreme Makeover Home edition'? Well it was like that... only backwards. As I walked throught the house I saw in my memory how cool it looked when we lived there, and then the shambles of now. Very sad... I'll have pictures of the outside soon! We then stopped in Besemer (spelling?) to visit the bakery that my parents owned. They knew us! Or at least my dad, I wasonly 7 at the time, so I doubt that anyone would recognize me all grown up. They let us tour the back and were still using the equipment that my dad and mom had used. It was very cool to see these places that I haven't been back to since we left about 18 years ago. It was very emotional for my mom especially, and very emotionally draining for me.

hmmm...

Just Stuff

Well it's good to know that I'm acting older than I really am... hmmm... Yes, I knew that already! Thank you!

You Are 28 Years Old

28 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatagequiz/">What Age Do You Act?