The pain will only last a second

Well... It has been a long time since I've written. Sorry to all who make this a regular stop only to find that I've nothing witty to say, or anything new to say even. I've been rather busy. Life busy. Two weeks ago Matt's back started hurting, and a week ago it started getting really acute pain. So I've been helping him with things, trying to get my roommate out... Which after a heated argument spurned by his drunken fury. I called the cops last Thursday night and he's been out of the house ever since. Still needs to pick up most of his things, but he hasn't stayed here since Thursday. And yeah, I think that's it.

Back to Matt. Matt's surgery went beautifully. Well, the surgeon called me at work to say
that it was an 'uneventful' surgery. Which is good.

Matt is doing okay, extremely tired though. The past two nights he hasn't
been able to find a comfortable position to sleep in, I'm glad that the
surgery was today. I don't/didn't like seeing him in pain. Now we're
starting in on the recovery pains... Which, I'm hoping, aren't as acute as
the pre-surgery ones... :)

Thanks for all the prayers... And the ones that are still coming. The
pre-surgery stress was a little intense. Mostly for the following reasons:
#1. The staff at the surgeon's weren't very helpful in letting Matt
know what and how to go about getting labs and testing done before surgery,
or even a date for that matter! #2. Lab work had to be done in two places,
the clinic, and the hospital. #3. Today, they were going to have him take
x-rays (the same ones that he took on Monday) and blood testing (the same
that they did Monday) because no one was talking to anyone and couldn't find
the paperwork on them. I'm glad that Matt didn't tell me this before the
surgery started... I don't think I could've concentrated on anything. But
he is doing well. Despite all the misplaced paperwork.

And I'm exhausted. But happy. I know that I wouldn't want anything else going on in my life than taking care of someone who means as much to me as Matt. It hasn't been a burden, or an annoyance. He needs/ed me, and sometimes that's just the best feeling in the world. Especially when I know whole heartedly that he would reciprocate if the rolls were reversed.

I am blessed.

'Surprises'

This weekend has been a challenge. I'm almost excited about going back to work tomorrow... ALMOST. I decided to kick my roommate out. It hasn't been a good situation and questioning a recent hunch led me to the point of losing it, and telling him that he had to get out. Ever since then we've had heated conversations about why I want him to move out. I feel uncomfortable and unsafe with him living here. I'd rather error on the side of safety when it comes to Caleb. I think any parent would.

My parents were in town this Friday and Saturday. They just got back from Florida. After telling them about the roommate situation, and mom bringing up a good question about him, and the telling him to get out (by me), we heeded out to the conservatory at the Como Zoo. What a wonderful place. Amidst feeling heavy and drained this place lightened my mood, and calmed me. My Creator cares about my well being. Mom and dad offered to take Caleb for the week or until the roommate is gone. I thought, after a bit, that this would be the best for all involved. When it was time to go it was an awkward goodbye. Caleb could sense that something wasn't right about the situation and him leaving, I miss him terribly because of it, and my mom says that he feels the same. Your prayers in this situation would be most helpful and greatly appreciated.

So now I'm looking for a roommate once again. Maybe I'll make it into a studio for others to get away in... Something. Someone.

Other surprises that I've come to experience... Matt. My family. His kids (Matt's). Friday night we all got together and made pizzas. My parents, Caleb, Matt's kids, Matt and I. It was fun. Very fun. My parents greeted the kids with kindness and open arms. They laughed, played hide and seek. We watched movies and ate. Mom bought them cookies, cookies especially for them. :) I love my family. It was good to see how well they got along. And the hopes of Matt and I's relationship in the future was once again saved from 'deal breaker' status. Sometimes I wonder and marvel about how smooth this is going. I'm amazed at how well he and I seem to fit each other. It's crazy good. And after two and a half years of being single, being very picky, being let down, and on numerous one time dates it's great to finally feel that I've found someone who fits me as well as Matt does. What's great, is that he feels the same way about me.

Sorry if my lack of words is showing... I've been busy with life, not much to muss and mull over anymore. I feel kind of dry and boring as far as my thoughts and words go. Instead of being full of life I'm just giving details... that sucks. I have inspiration to write, but then I don't have time for it or by the time I've exhausted everything that I've needed to do that day I totally forget what I wanted to write about. Which makes it frustrating when I log in to blogger only to find myself drawing a blank as to why I actually signed in. It's been a vicious circle these past couple of weeks. Maybe with a little more free time now that Caleb is gone I'll have more of a chance to write and explain my feelings with better words than just events.

Please pray for the roommate/studio situation. I'm a loss for words as to what my next action should be here. Thank you for your time.

Chocolate and Penguins.

I'm not a robot... I'm real.

I'm going to place a passage of the book 'surprise me' by Terry Esau. The 30 day surprise me experiment thingy that my small group is doing.

Keep in mind that this is practically right on to my thoughts about my faith. And it's excited me to hear that there are others (or another at least) that believe this exact way...

Day 26: Stepford Christians: "... That's why it's so pathetically sad that we Christians have become robotic in this culture. I'm pointing the finger at me too. We act, we play roles a part we've read about, a part we've been told we're supposed to play. We're ceramic plaster-of-poser. We may look good to the casual observer, but what good is the casual observance when you're looking for ultimate substance? As long as we are just role-playing, the only participants we're going to bring on board are other role-playing, bitpart thespians who are looking for nonthinking parts. We've got enough nonthinkers in Christianity. We need genuine, questioning wrestlers of the faith. We need people who doubt their way to belief. People who question their way into ownership of their faith. People who earn the right to say, this is who I am, so far, because this is who I've discovered God to be, so far." "... We have too many Christian robots. We need Christians who fail and admit they fail. We need Christians who admit that they don't know everything. We need more human Christians. We need more Christian humans. Let's wrestle our beliefs to the ground. Then let's get up and do all over again. Let's be okay with the struggle, with not knowing everything. Do we really want a God that we can explain? Do we want a God that we can quantify? If we could, wouldn't we be him? I don't want that God. If I can figure him out, then I don't want him. He'd be too average, too regular, too human. That God is a poser. The robots can have that God. He's not worthy of my devotion. I want a big God that blows my mind into tiny bits when I even attempt to capture him. I want a God who's a surprise machine, a conundrum, a continual mystery. That's the God that has captured me. I know for a fact that He doesn't resolve, at least in the way that I understand resolution. And I'm becoming more and more okay with that. I'd better, because there are no other options."

Isn't that amazing? I got goose bumps and tears formed in my eyes. Which is hard to hide when you are sitting in the middle of a sign shop work area during your lunch. Nonetheless there I was being touched or surprised that another human Christian could explain what I've been thinking/feeling for a few years now. And have only begun to form my own opinion of my faith. Here is a blog post that I wrote that faintly hits upon depth about my faith. Not that it's a huge deal about what I think. But, there it is anyway.

Your Receiving line...

Upon my February hair cut my awesome stylist (although not as awesome as Jonathan my stylist back in Detroit Lakes), Stephanie used this cool product in my hair. 'Beach hair' if you will. Crushed and ground bamboo mixed in with this type of 'goo'/gel to make your hair feel and smell (Hawaiian tropics tanning oil) like you've spend the day at the beach. Only get this! You've just taken a shower and are squeaky clean. Quite cool if you ask me. Sadly, this is as close to any beach as I'm going to get in the middle of winter. But it's working. My small bit of summer fits in a jar and is applied daily, and smelled as often as my hair falls in my face. Yum.

Going through this 'Surprise me' God book has been interesting. I read the book and I wonder how my life could be as eventful as the author. I go to work, I pick up Caleb, and I come home. Save the few times that I have small group, game night, bluer, etc. It's pretty much the same. Being an author it seems like he has a lot more free time than one could hope for, therefore he has more time to put aside to talk to friends who pop into his life. Resulting in more 'surprises' aka grounding moments that lead back to God and His plans, His secrets, His inner workings weaving through our thoughts and actions in any given day.

My results so far? Nothing as interesting as he has placed in his book. And I can't decide if it's because I'm not seeing the opportunities to act and be surprised, or if I just can't bring myself to push further into the unknown, the 'non-comfort' zone to push my faith in a direction that would cause those 'ah ha' moments.

That being said... on to other things...

Friday (last Friday) Matt and I were able to find a last minute babysitter so we could head out to see my favorite band... 'Halloween, Alaska'. I love them, even though the new album is less than I expected from them. Their music has a certain awe about it for me. If I could encapsulate myself in an album it would be Halloween, Alaska's 'Halloween, Alaska' CD. I love it, know it, feel it, and for what it's worth live how the music feels and sounds. If that's even possible, even comprehensible.

I feel like there is so much to say... so much has gone on since I last wrote. I've made some changes on my artist website... the look is a little more... um, different. :)

This weekend I have plans to go vintage clothing shopping... I can't wait!